YOU KNOW YOU'RE THE BIGGEST THING AROUND IF...
...if your idea of a king-sized bed is Yankee Stadium!
(We see Kong asleep. His body fills up the stadium.)
...if you get a splinter in your foot and it turns out to be the state of Rhode Island!
(We see Kong with an ouchie on his toe actually sitting on the entirety of North America.)
...if you avoid tornadoes because they make you ticklish!
(We see Kong giggling as a tornado goes up his back.)
...if giant redwoods are your favorite brand of toothpicks!
(You can imagine this one.)
...if your idea of an eating utensil is a steam shovel!
(We see a steam shovel dropping bananas into Kong's mouth.
...if you've just straightened out the Leaning Tower of Pisa...and you're not even aware of it!
(We see Kong casually leaning on the now-straightened tower.)
...if you have a mouth that's bigger than the mouths of Muhammad Ali and Howard Cosell combined!
...if you love Paris because of its wonderful slide!
(We see Kong sliding down the Eiffel tower.)
...if the Jolly Green Giant looks up to you!
(We see that the Giant goes up to Kong's ankle.)
...if you think the best pillows are to be found in Egypt!
(We see Kong asleep against a pyramid.)
(We also see a woman in a bikini. She has taken her top off and is covering her chest. A little caption reads "Gaza Strip.")
...if you dig Yellowstone National Park because of its hot showers!
(We see Kong washing up in Old Faithful.)
...if Death Valley is your idea of a nice sandbox!
(We see Kong in the desert with a bucket and shovel.)
...if icebergs are your favorite brand of Popsicle!
(We see Kong sucking on a Titanic Ice Cream Co. iceberg pop.)
...if your idea of playing with blocks is playing with forty-second street and forty-third street...!
(We see Kong playing with cars in the middle of a city street.)
...if your dentist has to know how to operate a jack hammer!
(We see a fellow jackhammer at Kong's teeth.)
...if your favorite surfboard is an aircraft carrier!
...if you've been afraid your sleepwalking may have been responsible for the Colosseum's condition!
(We see the damaged Colosseum in the background. In the foreground, we see Kong and he is covering his mouth with an "Oh boy! What did I did?" expression.)
...if you think windmills make nice fans!
...if you find yourself doing a lot of ducking around airports!
From CRACKED #142 (pages 22-24)