Randolph The Reindeer

Now listen, my children,
And you shall hear
Of the famous big toe
Of Randolph Reindeer.

'Twas the night before Christmas
When into the bar
Strode Randolph the Reindeer
With a big, long cigar.

As he stood there and snarled
Like a big, ugly cur,
The ashes he flicked off
Burned right through his fur.

Randolph stood staunchly
As he burst into flames,
But the rest of the reindeer
Just called him bad names.

Randolph stayed quite,
His steel nerves unjarred,
But except for his tailbone,
His body soon charred.

Then the room quickly filled
With a warm, friendly glow,
That came not from friendship.
But from Randolph's big toe.

Just then, in came Santa,
And he saved the day
By saying to Randolph,
"Would you guide my sleigh?"

When Randolph consented,
The reindeer all cheered,
And even old Santa
Gave a smile through his beard.

So they flew through the skies
In the blinding white snow,
And were guided by Randolph's
Smoldering big toe.

And so, if you spy
In the thick underbrush,
A hunk of burnt toenail
Lost in the rush...

Just think of poor Randolph
As he flies through the air
With a rancid cigar
And a clump of burnt hair.

Author Unknown
From pages 30-31 of CRACKED Magazine Issue #210